I don't look like a girl in this....

"I don't look like a girl in this," Kaikea says to me, pulling at her simple white shirt in a near panic. We are late for school and work but I know there is no way to short cut this battle.

"Oh, okay, what do girls wear?" I say, genuinely curious.

"Girls wear happy shirts."

Oh man.

Happy must mean pink and red, polka dots and hearts, doggies, flowers, and most recently fairies. Happy shirts go well with happy skirts, striped, with butterflies, or, most recently, Hello Kitty hearts and letters in red and pink.

This is the new Kaikea, now 3 1/2, whorecently preferred to be naked. Her head, which has always been "the sacred head" as it did not enjoy washing, brushing or ornaments of any kind, has suddenly become a despository for bows and barrettes, which she orchestrates in a very rigid code. Barrettes go at precise places, at precise angles, and, of course, in certain colors. She wants ponytails, but has barely enough hair, and will endure the pain only if they are "flat" ponytails, which I am still trying to totally understand. If any of this goes awry, the sacred head omits a sacred fit out of the sacred mouth.

I am still trying to figure out where she got her ideas of girlhood, when she runs outside in her happy shirt, squeals with happiness as she finds a millipede, lifts it to her lips and kisses it. Balance.